Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
