morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
