"it" just moved
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
