Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize