okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Houston, we have a blender
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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