and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
