You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
