Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
