He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
