8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
