Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
