I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
