i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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