He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
