wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
