I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize