3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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