i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
