Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
