I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
