Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
