the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize