I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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