it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
This toilet bowl is my home.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
