He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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