she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
