What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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