I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
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