I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
FUCK WHALES
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
