I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
