remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
