don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
