3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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