just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
