Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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