What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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