if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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