I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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