I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
where am i from again
The best revenge is premature balding
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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