the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
