she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
