I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
