i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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