I just threw up on my dentist
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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