you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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