Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
