Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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