so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
