my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
