I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
