she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize