he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
