i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
