You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
