there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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