I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
