remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
