Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
