I CAN MOONWALK!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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