Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I need to calm my uterus...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize