So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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