Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
