i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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