I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
