wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
