Don't you send me to vm
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
