Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
