its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
